"Is my friend in the bunker or is the bastard on the green?" ~ Anon.

Special Newsletter - Idaho 2k6

Good day, TGB's! This is a nearly accurate recap of the first annual TGB Tour's Idaho Invitational, held during the first few days of May. As you might remember, you had an outstanding time.

On my long drive back to Colorado, I took some notes in between fuel stops, while the trip was still fresh in my mind. I had hoped to document the highlights of our trip and provide an entertaining overall synopsis, however...still suffering from the nicotine withdrawal, once again I'll be dipping into my own seemingly untapped source of unlimited bullshit. The following are a few noteworthy items from Idaho 2k6.

Day One P.M; Paddy's Bar: Our host Sean occupies a barstool less than a chip shot from our table for nearly an hour before he and Kenner finally recognize each other...which was almost as entertaining as when (after about 12 pitchers of Kokanee), we called our taxi driver to pick us up - and he was sitting on the stool next to Sean's!

Day Two A.M; Meadowood G.C: My first "floating" driving range. Duke hits his first shot and skull-dings the metal 125-yard buoy. A perfect shot! Great muni, great price, great warm-up for the afternoon.

Sign hanging in the pro shop: "The pro will tell you the proper amount of flex you need in the shaft of your club. The more flex, the more strength you'll need to break the thing over your knee."

Day Two P.M; Coeur D'Alene Resort: Spectacular. Another "floating" driving range, too - this one with a 4-club head wind to keep the balls close to shore. Thankfully, the good Lord had mercy on our sorry asses and turned the fan down before we got to the floating green. Swankiest resort around...never seen a tee dispenser on a gangsta golf cart before - or a gangsta golf cart, for that matter! Or a friggin' tee dispenser!!! Thanks again to Kenner and Sean for making that happen - what a treat.

Day Three A.M; Circling Raven G.C: Outstanding course. When asked what club he had hit after a particularly good shot, Duke began a half-minute-long diatribe covering his complete pre-shot thought process, followed by an amazing amount of information about the weather, the lie, elevation, etc., etc...which was all especially entertaining because he never said what club he hit! In all fairness, he may have mentioned what club it was - but I had already nodded off by then.

Horse is reminded that he needs to play more and practice less...no small task at Bear Creek C.C; which is frequently closed due to the "soggy as an early morning diaper" like conditions. Ready to winter in Phoenix.

Ruben leaves before we can get a group shot and nobody has seen him since. Evidently he has disappeared into the bowels of Johnson Controls...ooh, not a pretty sight there. Falling off the face of the Lake Stevens Penal League fantasy golf leaderboard as well...you okay, bud?!

Day Three P.M; Circling Raven G.C: Second time around this monster course, just truly amazing. Horse helps Duke with a quick chipping lesson by rapid-firing a lengthy "shopping list" of tips, not realizing that Duke has actually paid for chipping lessons from a real pro - only to realize that it's not physical...uh, so I guess that makes it mental then?

Day Four A.M; Interstate 90:Wile E. Coyote plays chicken on the freeway and nearly makes it all the way across. Group hollers full encouragement, followed by much mourning in the Yukon when he becomes common roadkill.

Day Four P.M; Suncadia's Prospector Course: Just found out that it was a Palmer design, which explains the price. Could also have to do with the finest ball washers ever produced. Great course, screwed the pooch on the last six holes, would just as soon forget about it..but then, as Rick Reilly wrote in Who's Your Caddy?, "Golf just wants to yank down your pants in front of the Ladies Senior Auxiliary luncheon and slap you in the face a few times."

Dilly is again reminded that he needs to play more than once a year...and stay away from the whiskey served at Suncadia's 19th. hole!

I have loaded some of the photos from our trip into one big-ass web page that you can scroll through at your leisure, just click here.

Sometime before next year's golfing holiday, I'd like to design a TGB "Ken" Porter label and see if I can get the local brewery to whip us up a batch. Our first priority though, should be to get the researchers to concoct some kind of "wind block" for Kenner's sensitive facial epidermis.

I hope to see you soon on the first tee..any first tee.          Coop  05/29/06

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